Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
