The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
