I didn't shave. On purpose
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
