I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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