you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
