Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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