This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
