Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
