He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
