I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
