hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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