Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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