I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
