He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
