Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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