dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
