ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
