My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
