it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
