i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
