I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
