I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
