Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
