My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
