he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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