Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
