'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sarcasm needs its own font
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pants are for mortals
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
