last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
