garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
