it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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