Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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