I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're like the curious george of whores
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's rum buckets o'clock
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
