It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
