Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
