She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if i died would you start the facebook group?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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