I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
