I cannot find my penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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