Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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