I puked a lego.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
