Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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