Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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