man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
