Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
