She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
