My nipple is on Facebook.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
