This is not my ceiling
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
