you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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