I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
