true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
