She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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