Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
