Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
