Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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