She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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