This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
