she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
